What Oprah Can Teach You About Why Older Men Like Younger Women

What Oprah Can Teach You About Why Older Men Like Younger Women

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When Women Love Their Partners, But Don't Like Sex

Guilt, blame, pressure, NUDE OLDER WOMEN WITH GREAT BODY and sexual compliance.

Posted June 23, 2020 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

As a therapist, I often work with clients who are trying to make sense of their low, or decreased, sexual desire.

Was there a sudden turning point, or a step by step alteration over the full ages? The navigation of various living transitions and stresses? Could it be a lack of energy due to the demands of raising kids? Work challenges? A switch in well end uping reputation? The influence of various cultural, societal, or religious messages?

One of the more difficult questions to ask is: Does my low sexual desire mean something will be wrong with my relationship?

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While problems with our sex life can certainly have a negative influence on our romantic relationships, there are many of us who report having low sexual desire yet are still deeply in love with our partners.

How do we navigate loving relationships when we carry outn't really love having sex?

In a new study published in The Journal of Sex Research, Avigail Moor and her colleagues at Tel Hai College in Israel interviewed women who self-identified as being in loving long-term relationships while also experiencing a decrease in sexual desire. It was required that women felt their decreased desire was significantly lower than that of their partner's.

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The authors interviewed 15 women between the ages of 25 and 59. Most were married to their partners and about a quarter had been cohabitating. Season All ladies have been needed to become in a marriage of at minimum 1, with the average relationship length being 3.5 years. 50 percent the structure had youngsters Approximately.

Over the course of the semi-structured interviews, the authors asked participants about: a) the quality of their relationship, b) how their relationship was impacted by their decreased sexual desire, c) their explanations for how their desire decreased over the program of their relationship, d) what impact women felt this had on themselves and their marriage, e) how women dealt with the decreased desire themselves, and f) how the couple dealt with and navigated these sexual desire differences together.

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Love Doesn't Equal Desire

Participants, by definition of staying capable to participate in the scholarly analysis, said that their sexual desire never made them doubt their relationship or their feelings for their partner. That is, they saw sexual love and need for their partner as being completely unrelated.

For example, one participant said: "I never doubted the relationship. And the older the surer is received by me personally I am of our marriage."

Further, over half the participants said that they didn't feel their desire discrepancy had a negative impact on their relationship. Examples included navigating parenthood and life's ups and downs together as a team, which some women described as keeping their relationship strong, if they experienced plenty of sexual challenges possibly. This subset of women shared that they had deeper and more intimate connections with their partner that went beyond sexual activity.

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My Low Desire, My Problem

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However, and a touch however probably, in order to make sense of a decrease desire while being in a loving relationship, numerous women in this review inward proceeded to go, blaming themselves for their decreased sexual interest. That is, they seemed to rationalize that if we don't have a problem, it must be my problem.

As one participant said: "Sometimes I feel really bad, like what's screwed up with me that I don't have a higher sexual desire ... and you begin to believe that quite possibly something will be incorrect with you."

Among these women, thoughts of guilt and self-blame had been identified just as often approaching up over the training course of their interview.

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The Pressure to Have Sex

While over half the sample felt that their sexual desire discrepancies did not negatively impact their relationship, the authors noted that most women still described some pressure and tension in their relationship around having different levels of desire.

Specifically, despite having relationships that were described as loving overall, some women in this study indicated that they could still experience conflict with their partner about how long it had been since they last experienced sex. Some women also said they worried that their partner took her low desire personally, intending as significantly as to dilemma her destination and emotions.

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Strategies for Navigating Desire Discrepancies

Due to having different levels of sexual desire, women in this study often indicated that they would sometimes consent to possessing sex that they weren't all that excited about in an attempt to meet their partner's needs; something the authors refer to as sexual compliance.

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Some women also talked about avoiding sex, or the possibility of having sex, by coming up with excuses for why sex couldn't happen, many of these mainly because pretending to be in bed when their spouse begun. Others described pulling back from other forms of physical affection or touch to avoid anything starting up or giving "the wrong idea."

Sexual Pleasure and Interest

While all women described experiencing a decrease in sexual desire over the course of their relationships, it have not necessarily mean that their lustful desire totally missing.

Some women in this study indicated that they still felt some desire or attraction towards their partner, and some mentioned feeling desire for other people, also if they acquired not any intention of going after those feelings.

Perhaps most important to note is that women in thwill be study described that when they did have sex, they could knowledge sexual pleasure and satisfaction still. That is, they may not feel desire to have sex always, but they engaged once, they could enjoy themselves. Thwill be offers support for responsive sexual desire models which suggest that women's desire may build and grow throughout sexual activity even if it's not present at the outset.

Bridging Gap

While sexual desire discrepancies can feel like a big obstacle to overcome (and women in this study certainly noted that tensions and fighting around lustful frequency could, and did, occur) women in this study ultimately talked about sex as just another thing that had to be navigated and compromised on in a relationship like where to eat, how chores get done, and finances.

Strategies used to "bridge the gap" in desire levels included engaging in open and honest communication, compromising at times, and having a shared understanding of where the other person was coming from and why they were or were not in the mood. Women also stressed the importance of coming up with other forms of closeness and touch when sexual activity was not on the table.

There is a myriad of reasons that women can experience a decrease in sexual desire, over the course of longer-term relationships particularly. While a decrease in desire may be due to relational factors (like poor communication or frequent fighting), many women can lose their interest in sex while reporting an otherwise healthy and loving relationship still.

The authors suggest that women's decreased desire is not something to be pathologized. They note that the women could benefit from not blaming themselves for experiencing a decrease in desire and, instead, they may benefit from seeing a decrease in desire over a relationship as a natural and perhaps even normal experience.

The findings from this study also suggest that when desire discrepancies are present, it is important to focus on other ways of connecting, finding a balance or compromise in terms of sexual frequency, and maintaining open communication about differing levels of interest in sex.

Facebook image: Dragana Gordic/Shutterstock

Moor, A., Haimov, Y., & Shrieber, S. (2020). When desire fades: Women talk about their subjective experience of declining sexual desire in loving long-term relationships. Journal of Hex Research, http://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2020.1743225